It always amazes me how quickly time flies when taking the day to just putter at “stuff”. This morning my mental list was very long - work out, put away the pool, laundry, cleaning, yard work, lesson planning, playing with Cam, cooking supper, reading, etc. Now, as I sit here in the afternoon, I realize that although I have puttered, my list of what got accomplished is satisfying. But, why, as I sit, does it feel as though I should be doing more? Perhaps it is a personality trait. I am constantly looking at what is next. Relaxation doesn’t ever come easily to me. I am always busy. Even sitting to type this seems lax - I could be doing something else. Did I mention that I am cooking something on my grill and playing Draw Something while I type? When will I ever be able to give myself permission to simply "be"?
This constant push to get things done has both negative and positive results. I seem to accomplish much in a short amount of time; however, I often wonder, in my infrequent moments of quiet, what am I trying to avoid by staying so busy? As quickly as I begin to contemplate this idea, my mind jumps to what is next on my to-do list. I never seem to spend enough time just thinking about the what, why and how of myself. Why am I always on the move? And, then I seem frantic to those who observe me as I "focus forward". I am driven - I like to see results of my work. I constantly feel restless - both in mind and body. This is why I have started this blog - to begin to force myself to stop, think, and relax. (And, yes, maybe not multi-task while attempting to write.) Perhaps, in my quiet moments of musing, I may learn a little something about myself.